For me comfort food is not just a slice of pie, its half a pie. Its
not cinnamon on black coffee with stevia drops; its a rich, creamy white
mocha with TONS of whipped cream. These past few days have been
difficult for me to keep to my diet. Last time I did this diet I started
to like salad without dressing. This time around my taste buds are like
"spit this bitter crap out!" I have been diligent in keeping my eyes on
the prize. I did have one "off" day so far, but after 10 days I am down
5 pounds (5 of those days were stalling, grrrr @ plateaus).
My
prize is strength, flexibility, a body temple I can curl up in at night
and not feel my stomach strangling my organs if I decide to lay on my
back. When I picked up a 25 pound of sugar the other day (to make cotton
candy for my mother's business,NOT TO EAT), I realized I was carrying
this much around me all the time. I remember being 145 and feeling soooo
light and strong and I had energy for days! Now, I am not going to live
in LaLa Land in my head. I know I was 5 years younger then and without
children.
However I know that strength is inside me,
always holding these 25 pounds. My heels have finally begun to break
their promise to be true. They crack, hurt, as I walk on my floating
floor above a cement slab. (Someone said get a heel stick which I am
totally going to do!) I am routinely picking up and carrying very heavy
children to get them to stop what they are doing, redirect their waste
orifices or put them to sleep. The stress of it all lends me to head
toward the cupboard or fridge aiming for a snack, some sugary thing to
help numb my hunger for strength.
Do I have to choose? I
know I LOVE food and I am always sabotaging myself because I LOVE to
cook. I am always the person who chooses something in the middle. It
can't be black or white! But right now that is where I am at. I am in a
black or white zone, hovering around the middle of the road, feeling
comfortable but not feeling successful. I will always feel like I didn't
make it if I don't keep trying. I will keep logging in and I won't give
up.
This journey isn't a hill that goes up and curves
back down in the middle. I really like those kind of hills! No, it goes
up sharper after the midway point. It is demanding, treacherous, but
rewarding. I thought when I started this diet that I had all the
strength I needed to finish, but now I realize I only had the strength
to start. It will take more and more of that to keep going for the
results I desire. For now I choose strength. When I know I am strong
enough to only have one slice of pie or get a small nonfat latte I will
be back to those comfort foods.
One promise I already made to
myself: candy is for kids, not adults. That was one of my big triggers
and I am glad I can finally say I will no longer be eating candy and I
don't need to. I hope others out there find the strength they need to do
this! We can find comfort in our strength as richly and rewarding as
that sugary snack or starchy bowl of pasta.
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